I try my absolute best to turn it around and get some positive energy going but it gets difficult. I wake up at least once or twice a night because I can't turn my brain OFF. It's a horrible feeling. There I am in the middle of the night staring up at the ceiling in the silence just me and the abyss of my mind...
black and endless.
Does this happen to you? I am assuming it does, it's probably really normal but it's debilitating. I start to think of all the things I could have done differently in my past (which is ridiculous since I can't change a word or undo a step I've taken) but it's like my thoughts paralyze me. I take so many twists and turns and so many things bog me down and keep me sad. I pray, I meditate, I lie there and think of good, happy thoughts and just breath. Lately it's getting harder and harder...
All I know is that somehow I have to turn it around. I have to remember that life is to be lived now now later. I can't keep pushing things to the side.
Things on my list to get to...EAT BETTER and EXERCISE! Why is it so hard to do?
LAZY. plain and simple. I know I have to do better, bottom line. It's all up to me...
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